A Hot Mess of Change

By Kristin Edelblute

Photos by Kathleen Rodgers

Every day, there are new grim statistics, rules on social interaction, and more time stuck at home. Today, the coronavirus means a pretty scary reality for us both locally and globally. We are afraid because our todays look very different from our yesterdays, making it harder to predict our tomorrows. Did you catch all that? Our definition of normal was changed. Seemingly overnight. And there was nothing we could do about it.

Uncertainty, coupled with fear, creates a higher level of anxiety, which is a direct hit to maintaining a quality mental state.

STIGMA

Society holds negative attitudes about mental illness, and these attitudes form a stigma that hinders many individuals from asking for help. We put such an emphasis on being strong, being in control of our feelings, and handling every situation life throws at us. So much so that we inadvertently internalize the message that if I ask for help, I AM WEAK. 

We all struggle. We all need help. There is no shame in needing someone to help you process your feelings and offer a new perspective. God created us to be relational and live in community with one another. Galatians tells us to “carry one another’s burden.”

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

Galatians 6:2

AWARENESS

You think you’re doing OK. You’re keeping a positive attitude, being productive, and counting your blessing, when out of the blue, it hits: a vague uneasiness—a nagging awareness that something isn’t right. You’re waking up in the middle of the night, or you’re snapping at your spouse. You miss people, but you don’t call them. Fear, loneliness, uncertainty, or some other aspect of the pandemic—and the changes you’ve had to make—are getting to you.

We often label emotions as good (happiness, joy, interest, curiosity, gratitude, love) and bad (sadness, fear, anger, loneliness), and we do everything in our power to avoid the bad emotions. If you shift your perspective and acknowledge that all your emotions are good when they are in a healthy balance, then managing emotions becomes much easier.

To find that healthy balance, we manage negative emotions by embracing the fact that we are feeling them, determining why we are feeling that way, and allowing ourselves to receive the messages they send us before we release them and move forward. Yes, that statement may sound a little odd, but our emotions are designed to be messengers to tell us something, and these messages can be very valuable if we listen. What may be a surprising bit of advice on preventing long-term mental health issues is to allow yourself to fully experience your uncomfortable emotions, overwhelming as they may feel. It is important to remain aware of your situation and—if you feel frightened—give yourself permission to feel that way. When we avoid our emotions or try to suppress our feelings, they don’t just go away. We actually give them power and make them stronger.

You can’t experience joy without sorrow, peace without anger, and courage without fear. Life is richer when we allow ourselves to move through the dark as well as the light. A study in the July 2017 Journal of Personality and Social Psychology looked at the psychological health of people who accept, rather than negatively judge, their emotional experiences. Researchers found that accepting these emotions led to fewer negative emotions when confronted with daily stressors.

GRIEF

When people hear the word “grief,” most often their minds go to the loss of a loved one. But really, grieving happens anytime there is the loss of something, not just when there is the loss of a person. Consider the COVID-19 pandemic. Since early this year people have entered a “collective grieving” of sorts, due to the extreme changes in our daily lives. Many of us have lost more than one thing during this time:

• loss of a job
• loss of the way kids go to school and play
• loss of normalcy and routine
• loss of the ability to gather with family and friends
• loss of a sense of stability or safety
• loss of a graduation or celebration
• loss of a loved one

The pandemic has also changed how people shop, worship, exercise, eat, and seek entertainment. As a result, the pandemic has had a major psychological impact, causing people to lose a sense of safety, predictability, control, freedom, and security. Grieving over any of these situations is real and completely valid, and yet the journey through grief is often messy with many twists and turns.

RESILIENCE

The dictionary defines resilience as the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties. In counseling, resilience is the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or significant sources of stress. Rather than letting difficulties, traumatic events, or failure overcome them and drain their resolve, highly resilient people find a way to change course, emotionally heal, and continue moving toward their goals.

Strategies to increase resilience:

1. Best Possible Self    
Spend time thinking about your best possible self and what that would look like. You can do this as a journaling technique or simply a visualization technique. Research has shown that people who engage in this activity for five minutes a day for two weeks experience a more positive mood and an increase in optimism compared to people who spent the same amount of time simply thinking about activities in their day.

2. Gratitude Letter
Write a letter expressing gratitude to people who have done kind things for you, both small and large. 

3. Mental Health Day
Take a break from everyday life and plan a day filled with positive experiences similar to what you would do on vacation. 

4. Reframe Your Thoughts
Look at negative situations realistically, but in a way that doesn’t center on blame over what cannot be changed. Focus on the positive things you can do to help get you out of a negative mindset. Focus on what you can control.

5. Christians - Stay in the Word
It strengthens and sustains.

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:4-7

For people you know who are not believers, love them. Pray for them. Support them as they manage change in their lives, wrestle with their emotions, and consider the possibility of seeking help. And be prepared to share with them the hope you have in Jesus because you never know when a gospel opportunity will present itself in the midst of all the chaos.

Here are two great resources to help both parents and children cope with the COVID-19 pandemic:

“Understanding & Coping with Reactions in a Pandemic”
Yale Child Study Center

“Helping Children Cope with the COVID-19 Pandemic”
Yale Child Study Center